Clocks go back this weekend

[innocent_lex]

At least, here in the UK they do. So on Sunday it'll get dark here by about 5pm and it'll get earlier for several months. What difference does this make to me? I'll always come home from work in the dark. Actually, it's been that way for a few weeks now, but that situation will carry on for months and months. Walk home in the dark, make sure to switch off the ipod as I get off the (crowded) train, watch the stream of people around me thin and vanish as I leave the station, walk down a road alone while looking around to see if anyone's nearby, if there's anywhere to hide, careful of the cars stopped at the lights in case the occupants do anything unexpected, and make it to a car park where I'll be alone (though checking for people), check the back seat of my car before unlocking it, getting in and locking it again before I drive home.

And in case anyone's wondering, once I leave the station the 'people' I'm looking out for are men. This is entirely normal behaviour on my part, making sure I can hear and see as much of my surroundings as possible when it's dark because women are taught (for good reason) to fear being alone after dark. Here's a proposition: how about men are kept in after dark so women don't have to be afraid? That would make a change.

Comments

[jayb111.livejournal.com]

because women are taught (for good reason) to fear being alone after dark

Hmm. I'm a woman, and no-one has 'taught' me to 'fear being alone after dark'.

Being aware of one's surroundings is sensible of course, but that applies whatever the time of day or night and whatever one's gender, and needn't have anything to do with the possibility of sexual assault by a stranger, which is statistically quite rare.

When I go out, what I'm mostly looking out for is bicycles being ridden furiously on the pavement, or cars unexpectedly mounting the pavement, or uneven paving stones, none of which have anything to do with me being a woman.

[innocent-lex.livejournal.com]

I have been taught, both explicitly and just by living in the world where there's television, news, discussion, advertising, and on and on that fear. I take precautions that are sensible, but my behaviour is different from the behaviour of an equivalent male, regardless of statistics.

I'm very surprised that you've missed the messages that come across every day in all kinds of ways about the dangers out there for women in particular. I'm not disbelieving you, honestly, because I realise people have different lives, I'm just surprised. Wherever I've lived it's been a pervasive message, whether it's a direct message to me or just the general message from media and people's behaviour.

[jayb111.livejournal.com]

Oh, I'm aware of politicians who won't walk around London after dark. I know people who think the Tube isn't safe, or who don't like going to London at all. I have an old schoolfriend who feels unsafe travelling on a train any time outside weekday rush hours and is unwilling to set foot out of doors at night even to post a letter or go to the corner shop.

I'm aware of all this, but how far is any of it based on actual danger, and how much of it is due to people's (often exaggerated) perceptions of risk, or, sometimes, simple lack of experience? I know that my friend's fears, for example, have far more to do with her own personality than any real danger she might be in doing the things she's afraid of.

So yes, you're probably right that it is a pervasive message, but should it be 'teaching' me anything? Does it have any basis in reality? Should I allow other people's, possibly exaggerated, fears to dictate to me how I should live my life?

[innocent-lex.livejournal.com]

Ah, that's a different question. I agree with you that there's a difference between perception and reality, and that, for example, figures on reported rapes indicate they're more likely acquaintances (friends, co-workers, family) than strangers. However, I have certainly experienced some of the things I worry about (although not the worst of them, thank goodness), and wouldn't ever think I was safe because of statistics.

When it comes to whether my life should be dictated to me? Absolutely not. But my experience and friends' experiences mean that in the end part of my life is indeed dictated to me because this isn't approached as a real problem and is so ingrained in thinking and behaviours that it'll be hard to get past. My experience only demonstrates the problems, doesn't deny them. And this is anything from standard bullying of women by men in public (be it verbal or physical) to sexual assault (from inappropriate touching on upwards) to violence to attempts at abduction to rape and murder. I haven't experienced the last two. These are only a tip of the iceberg, and my experiences as one (generally 'lucky') woman mean I am careful when I go out. Society has taught me that by experience, so what I've been taught by direct lessons, by anecdote, by other people's behaviour and by the media are just reinforcement.

I'm glad you haven't experienced any of these things, or if you have that none of those negative experiences have made you change your behaviour. It's nice to hear.