A guy's guide to approaching strange women without being maced

[innocent_lex]

Excellent post at kateharding.net explaining to men why it is women often simply don't want to talk to them in public places.

Favourite quote:

" If you speak, and she responds in a monosyllabic way without looking at you, she’s saying, “I don’t want to be rude, but please leave me alone.” You don’t know why. It could be “Please leave me alone because I am trying to memorize Beowulf.” It could be “Please leave me alone because you are a scary, scary man with breath like a water buffalo.” It could be “Please leave me alone because I am planning my assassination of a major geopolitical figure and I will have to kill you if you are able to recognize me and blow my cover.” "

Comments

[superbadgirl]

That's an excellent post. I sometimes wonder if guys get so flooded with testosterone when they're on the hunt (ew) that they either can't see the signals or if they simply choose to ignore them and so they can then claim confusion and indignation. Who hasn't heard, "But I'm a nice guy! You don't know what you're missing." at least once in her life?

My choice, mister. I don't care if you're the nicest guy on the planet - I don't know that if you're trying to pick me up at the bus stop, and I don't care to find out.

[readerjane]

Hee! I like that quote.

Maybe the necessary ingredient in controlling this is public humiliation?

[innocent-lex.livejournal.com]

Late replying to this, but that particular cartoon set off a rash of posts on various feminist blogs. And, it was the prompt for the creation of the post that I initially linked to, which now has well over 1,000 responses. The blog thread from hell!

[readerjane]

Wow.

I guess I assumed both blogs were responding to something similar in the news.

So, were the feminist bloggers (in general) offended by the XKCD cartoon? 'Cause the guy is actually refraining from talking to the woman, judging (inaccurately in this case, but with appropriate restraint) that since she's ignoring him, that means she'd be upset if he tried to talk to her.

[innocent-lex.livejournal.com]

Well, that's the interesting thing. There were some mixed views, including:
- people who thought it was odd the guy was imagining the woman would yell at him because women are generally socialised to be polite and quiet in public
- people who thought there was absolutely no way anyone would back the woman up if she had a go at a man who was approaching her uninvited (due to plenty of experience of being a woman on public transport)
- people who thought the imagination section actually happened
- people who thought the guy was being a classic 'Nice Guy', which is a label given to blokes who go on about what they 'deserve', i.e. attention from a woman because the man wants it, regardless of what the woman wants
- people who thought it was all a fuss about nothing
- people who were bewildered that the cartoon author would create this cartoon when he was usually a supporter of women
- people who thought it was having a go at male nerds for thinking that women were horrid
- people who thought it was having a go at nerds in general for being socially awkward
- people who thought it was saying that women only buy 'cute' netbooks and other gadgets so that they can pick up blokes on buses
- etc

But, yes, that did prompt the post that explained (in lots of words) the simple advice: Men, if you want to approach a woman while on public transport, watch for her to give you signals that she wants you to. If she's not giving those signals, don't approach. When in doubt, don't approach.